First thing everyone should understand is that Ramlal is dead. An obituary of Ramlal makes sense only when he is dead. He died in February of this year.
The other fact of importance is that Ramlal was a Dog! Not just a dog but 'he' essentially was a dog.
First time I saw Ramlal, he was not alone. For most of years of his life, he had a partner. She was probably owned by a mystery woman that used to come to hostel once in a while to feed Ramlal. Although this wasn't first canine couple I had seen, I realized at once something was different about this one. The dog was the bulkiest - laziest - filthiest smelling ball of entangled fur and the bitch was handicapped, but I guess that something stemmed from the platonic-love this couple shared.
The next thing I came to know about him was that he never barked! No, not even at the cats. I was about to think that his mutism stemmed from some layngeal anomaly, when something happened - Ramlal Barked! Yes, he did! More interestingly at a taxi. In this whole world taxis remain the only thing Ramlal ever cared to bark at. It was clear that his mutism was not articulation disorder but result of sheer laziness to bark, which was so characteristic of him. But more interesting was the mystery of taxis. What was wrong with them? Why they were the only thing that drove Ramlal out of his laziness into action of barking? The answer came with this TNMC folklore --
"Once upon a time in Mumbai, Ramlal never barked. No, not even at the taxis! And during those days, his girlfriend ( I wanted to use word 'bitchfriend', but it doesn't matter, both mean the same.) was a four-legged creature, with all of them intact. One fine day, Ramlal was half asleep and his companion busy keeping the cats away; there was a sudden sound of brakes screeching, followed by screams of a canine. A taxi coming out of nowhere (Read: K K Road) into TNMC hostel premises had run over left hindlimb of the bitch.
Ramlal was flabbergasted! and livid! He didn't know what to do... So he BARKED. It is said that he kept barking for nothing less than 40 seconds, which was legendary because he had never barked before... He was so pissed of at the cabbies since then that he barked at every cab entering hostel territory and every sound of screeching brakes that fell upon his ears."
I believe that Ramlal's ghost is out there haunting taxi drivers across Mumbai; supported by the news on Fakington Post which states that a growing number of cabbies have been complaining of nightmares of a smelly dog (Not as a dog who smells things, but as a dog-thing which smells) barking fiercely at them. On detailed investigation by ACP Pradymna of CID; only common thing among them was that they drove on K K Road (Read: Nowhere) And You know what that means (or you can ask Daya)...
As I have already stated, Ramlal wasn't just a dog. For all the time he lived in this world, he represented symbol of a HOSTELITE. Undoubtedly, Ramlal was greatest hostelite of all time. I am lucky because I live in an era of greatests... I stayed in hostel when greatest hostlite of all time was around, makes me proud!
While there were obvious characteristics of a hostelite in Ramlal like he hated bath and all things related to personal hygiene, got his FORCED haircut once every six months, Loved sleeping and could sleep all the times irrespective of circumstances; there were some traits also which took this symbolism deeper...
A typical hostelite never attends lectures, prefers to sleep instead. Even if he is present physically, his mind remains at the hostel. He never asks difficulties in classes, Solves them on his own. Never answers questions asked to the class, pretends he never heard them,. Never studies until last 15 days of PL, and then studies Bhalani's Question Bank more than any text book of any subject.
Ramlal also did these things, albeit symbolically. As far as I know, Ramlal never crossed door of any room, though wandered across all verandas freely. He never came to anyone - beckoning him with the canine language of whistles, yuu - yyu, or pchuu - pchchuu was futile. He was too lazy to interpret meaning of those sounds. He came only to chosen members of hostel and never stayed with them after he was fed, of course, except when he felt that it was quite a task to go away.
He never cared for any vegetarian looking / smelling / tasting part of food. Like a hostelite searching for most frequently asked questions in Bhalani, he searched meat and bone; and like one searching for answers of those questions on the desperate night before exam in his VD Joshi/Chaitali Shah /Ibrahim Patel/ George Matthew/ RDB etc., Ramlal rounded up parcel containers from Noorani/ Al-Rahmani in the garbage cans to feed his late night hunger...
Like any hostelite, he believed that heaven has not enough luxuries and hell is not arduous enough as compared to hostel. This makes me wonder what in the world made him leave hostel.
The answer struck me when I came to hostel. The hostel and hostelites have changed. You can feel it as soon as you enter hostel. The TV room does not announce itself as it used to when you enter premises, in fact you have to enter TV room to find out if something is going on or not! The reading room is occupied for more time than TV room. The canteen has self service (WTF!!!) and menu is limited to thali and chicken curry! And this is just a beginning of the list...
Most of the hostelites are out of hostel during day attending early morning lectures. They are taking baths everyday and are keeping their hair short. They are studying all seasons of the year!!!
Though 'All is Well' for those staying in hostel, these changes would shake the very roots of faith of anyone who has true spirit of a hostelite . For someone like Ramlal - whose life symbolized this very place - life certainly would mean nothing. No doubt he had to leave this place before it became worthless.
Dear Ramlal, I know why you left us and I am not sorry that I was not there to bid you good bye. I cannot say good bye to you. For I know sometime in future, a day will come when I will be lying on a messed up bed in a stinky room, unshaven, my entangled hair shielding my closed eyes from wrath of sun - who is past more than half of his days journey, surrounded by my then counterparts of V D Joshi/RDB/GM etc..., too lazy to find will power to get up. At that time if someone shows me a mirror, I will find laziest - smelliest - ball of entangled fur in place of me.
Ramlal, you may have left us but I cannot leave you. I cannot say good bye to hostelite inside me.
